Colder
by FollowTheReaper01
Summary: Lance struggles to find an accurate description of himself and his place on the team. After five months captured by the Galra, he suffers some serious side affects.
1. Identity

Lance McClain:

Seventeen years old. Defender Of The Universe. Formally known as "The Seventh Wheel." Blue Paladin. _Team Sharp Shooter_. Dashing with his debonair smile and his devil-may-care-attitude.

Somebody you'd definitely wanted to think twice about before crossing.

Lance was also confident. Charming. Smart. (Widely adored by the ladies.) _Keith's rival._ He was also heroic. Defender of the Universe, in case you sped by that part. Not to mention humble. (One of his better qualities, he's been told.) He thought it was his hour glass skin but no biggie.

 _Who was he?_ Who was Lance McClain?

Honestly?

On the DL?

As in: Don't-Ever-Mention-This-To-Anyone-Especially-Teen-Mullet.

DL was Lance was often uncertain.

He never quite...fit in anywhere he lived or the school he went to. Being loud was him being afraid that he would live and die forgotten. As if Lance McClain would disappear from the Earth as if he never existed.

Ironic, right?

He was also homesick. There wasn't a day that went by in the depths of space that Lance didn't picture his hometown in Cuba, the little shack of the Vereda Beach. The blue ocean splashing against the white sand. Garlic knots... _his mom's hugs._

His mom always did say his heart was the size of Cuba.

Not much has changed if you exclude the lions, Voltron, aliens, alien warships and 10,000 year old space elves. And the mice. The mice deserved an honorable mention. But anyway, Lance was still pretty much the same as he was in junior high, three years of high school and the Garrison. He was still Lance McClain, the guy people laughed at whether he did it on purpose or not. So he might as well do it on purpose.

Now, he was pretty sure they would all die as legends, Defender of the Universe and everything. Even if the other paladins were never remembered...where was he going with this?

But he would always played second fiddle.

There would always be a Keith Kogane.

Somebody better.

It's true. Lance was...almost-not-quite admitting it. He wasn't smart as Pidge. Fast as Keith, kind as Hunk, remarkable as Shiro but...Lance had something to offer to the team that no one else could:

 _Joy._

The one thing that Zarkon or this evil witch would ever be able to take away from him: _Lance was happy._

Sure, he was depressed and lonely at times but that couldn't stop the fact Lance burned with an unbreakable desire to do good, to stand loyal to his friends and the entire universe. Not just Cuba. Not just Earth. But every man, woman and child who put their faith in Voltron to protect and defend them.

Lance's insecurities be damned, he would not abandon them.

This was all _much_ bigger than himself.

To add to his list, on an even bigger DL, ( _as in be cool, bro:_ ) he was innocent.

He had seen a lot of things these past few months but he still carried that child like innocence with him throughout the galaxies. Which turned out pretty useful against the bad guys. **_(Or this puta mierda bruja!)_**

Point _is:_ Lance could stare evil right in the face and laugh. And get punched in the face. Rinse, repeat.

He tried to be brave.

He tried to give himself worth for his teammates. He tried to be like Keith. Because in the heat of battle, joy wasn't enough.

Lance, wasn't enough.

That's how he ended up here, in this dungeon, strapped to this grimy space table being experimented on and "politely interrogated." Because life was rainbows and unicorns...half of the time. Because, garlic knots.

But if Lance hated anybody with every breath and every bone in his body _[(more so than Umbridge) yes, Umbridge]_ it was the Druid Witch.

If something so foul could walk across this spaceship...or this planet(?) or dungeon, she was foul. _Bruja de puta._

Lance was sweating out of every single pore, breathing rapidly as his wrists bled, chaffing against the magic restraints. Stupid Mullet. Stupid mission. _Stupid...stupid!_ He yanked harder. _"Joder,"_ He swore under his breath.

The door opened.

Because life. Because unicorns.

His glare was smoldering as the Druids entered, faces hidden by their robes.

"Have you given any thought to my question, paladin?"

The brunette smirked, his answer rolled off the tongue beautifully, _"Te ves perdido._ ¿ _Necesita direcciones? Ir a un planeta desierto, cogerun cactus, viaja y caer un agujero, romper la pierna y tener un porcepine gatear por la vagina de mierda."_

The Druid Witch's face looked furious, no doubt understanding the intent behind Lance's words.

The teenager let his head fall back as he screamed.

His throat was raw, but nothing could stop the shrieks that tore through the dark secluded room as the electricity tore through his body. Eight seconds later it stopped. Before Lance had time to gulp in a gasp of air it started again.

"You will show respect to your elders, paladin. The Dark Lord will not show you mercy as I have. We've catered your indifference for too long, you _will_ tell me where the other paladins lie."

His breaths finally tampered off into soft pants, a few moments later Lance cracked open eye and said, _"Chupar una cucaracha."_

Lance McClain. Seventeen years old. Defender of The Universe. Formally known as "the Seventh Wheel." He was also formally known as fucking _screwed._ To put it lightly, the druids loved having him over so much they skipped the blase kinky electrocution and went straight for some hard core magic shit.

As in "lets bend the rules a little" magic shit.

He was now the white mouse running on a hamster wheel.

His mind moved sluggishly, _mouse wheel?_

 _No...hamster._

Anyway, Lance was defiantly missing Vereda Beach now.

After five months of torture all he could focus on was the blue skies. The green grass. Splashing in rain puddles...except he couldn't see any of it.

The only thing he could see was the space dungeon's dank interior straight out of Zarkon's monthly Home & Garden.

 _It was maddening_.

He missed home.

 ** _He missed his mom._**

He missed his friends.

His mind trailed off to the incident five months ago when he saved Keith's life. He was put through all of this T&I because of his lazy, infuriating ass.

Lance sighed in a single huff.

He would do it again.

He would put his entire life on the line for Teen Mullet and not just because Lance wanted to look brave. Not because he wanted to take all the glory or have a massive amounts of bragging rights later: He did it because Keith was _his friend_.

Because he was important.

The brunette let out a weak, dry laugh, telling himself, "You're getting soft in your old age Lance."

"You know they say talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity."

"..."

"..."

"..."

 _ **"Keith?"**_

"Hey Cargo Pilot, ready to break out of this joint?"

 _ **"Where the quiznak have you been?"**_

The red paladin winced, "Quiet down, will you? This was suppose to be a rescue mission," he smirked, then sighing as Lance glared at him, "I was saving the universe, Lance, where were you?"

That resulted in the blue paladin's face going beet red, _**"I was vacationing in Florida!"**_

Keith hummed, unlocking his restraints, "How was it?"

 _ **"It was nice!"**_

"Take any pictures?"

 _ **"Lots!"**_

"Lance?"

 _ **"What?"**_

"Why are you screaming?"

 _ **"I don't know! My throat really hurts actually!"**_

Keith tried to sound patient, pulling his friend up off the table, "Then maybe we should be quiet?"

Lance didn't respond as his head drooped, his skin hot and flushed.

He heard some sort of swear word in Korean, "Lance?"" He smacked him in his face, _"Lance!"_

Keith swore again, mopping sweaty locks off his own forehead and lifted the younger paladin so he could carry him bridal style. Judging by the look of him, the druids defiantly did a number on him. Who knows what kind of experiments they did... right now all that mattered was getting both of them back to the Castle.

Keith activated his space suit and flew slash jumped through the ships main hallways.

He only had gone through a handful of Galran soldiers before the alarm activated and bay doors began to close.

He juggled Lance in his arms, shifting the heavy weight onto the other shoulder, _"What did they feed you?_ I hope the Galra didn't run out junk food when you were here."

"I wasn't...I'm not fa..." Lance trailed off weakly.

"Hold on buddy, we're almost there. _Pidge we're coming in hot!"_

"I'm holding the bay doors open! You have Lance?"

 _"No! I left him behind with the Galra!"_

 _ **"Keith!"**_

" _I'm joking! It's called being factious!"_

A few shots of enemy fire caught on Keith's armor, sizzling as it corroded the hot metal, "Talk later bye!"

" _Wh_ -"

He slide under the closing doors, including all of Lance's extended limbs with him.

* * *

48 hours later, Lance stared at his spoon carving into his food goo with interest. The whole team nervously hovered around him like hummingbirds.

Hunk wasn't so subtle, "Were you afraid? How were the Galra? Terrifying? I bet the food was terrifying-I bet you were starving! I bet they locked you up for five months and did nothing but torture-"

Shiro cleared his throat, "Okay Hunk! How about we all give Lance a little room to breath? It's been along couple of months. Right Lance?"

The brunette stopped in mid-shovel as his cheeks resembled a certain furry animal.

 _"Sufy gurg."_

"What?" Allura frowned, as did the mice.

 _"Surfy goorg!"_

"Lance, close your mouth," Pidge reprimanded.

"Sorry. All I was saying was, 'sure thing," Lance's attention fell on the silent red paladin, "Anyway if it wasn't for Drop-Out over there I wouldn't be here."

"I could say the same to you, Lance," his voice a little angry, his brows quirked in irritation.

The seventeen year old didn't know the irritation was directed at himself. So his confusion and an unexplained emotion fueled his response, "It was no biggie."

He shrugged, non nonchalantly.

Jaws dropped.

Only Keith said anything, who rose angrily, **"It was a big deal!** **You almost died!** **They hurt you to get to us!** I made a mistake on a mission. A mistake that cost us one of our best pilots. _**Why do you always put everyone else's lives above yours?"**_

The other boy didn't respond, eyes lowered, finger petting a mouse's soft fur.

The team watched the pair in uncomfortable silence, Hunk voicing that particular feeling, "Well, this is awkward."

Their fallen teammate rose from the dinner table, pocketing his hands and returning the mouse, "I'll be in my room. Getting five months worth of blood, sweat and tears off of me. And urine. TMI you guys."

Pidge made a face as everyone watched him leave the room, mood darkened.

* * *

 _"'Why do you always put everyone else's lives above yours?'"_

Hot water streamed down onto Lance as he stared at the plain white wall in front of him.

 _"'It was a big deal!'"_

Beads of water dripped into his eyes and down his chin.

 _"'You almost died!'"_

His eyelids fluttered.

Lance shook his head and stepped back, he concentrated on lathering his skin up with lavender scented soap. After going without a shower or any kind of basic human care in alien prison, Lance was lavishing himself with every single kind of soap, oil and lotion he could find.

' _Treat thy self,"_ he snorted at the thought. He scrubbed more fervently.

 _"'Why do you always put everyone else's lives above yours?"_

"Damnit!" In midst of Lance's frustration the hot water was turning cold.

Didn't they have any kind of human decency for a former prisoner? " _Come on! Guys? Who used up all the hot water?"_ As expected there was no response. " _Hunk? Pidge?_ It was probably Keith," he grunted after a long pause.

He turned the knob on the hottest setting.

For a few moments, _it was bliss._

The fog rose up in the shower, soaking into his skin and opening up pores...that moment was short lived. He felt the cold sting as water, once again, fell into his eyes.

The paladin put his hands in front of face, blocking the stream.

He heard a strange crackling sound when the water stopped all together. Lance squawked, "Stupid space! Stupid Altean plumb...ing.. _what the..."_ His eyes widened, _"Oh quiznak."_

The water was not only cold: _It was completely frozen over._

A strange fog pooled out of his mouth.

He stumbled out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist, " _Nonononono,_ it stopped. _It was suppose to stop!"_

Lance was almost afraid to look in the mirror. His hands shaking, wiped the fog off of its surface.

His stomach dropped.

 _"Dios mio."_

Two startling silver eyes stared back him, his lips blue and his skin pale as Pidge in the summer time.

His hands grabbed his hair, now turning white at the roots.

The most accurate description of Lance at that moment was, "I'm in trouble."


	2. Escape From Beta Traz

Lance McClain: Dangerous. Impulsive. Asshole. Traitor.

 _And a horrible friend_.

The young teen sat in his cell, staring at the wall with his hands clasped together. His eyes briefly studied them, seeing them for what they were: as a weapon.

He, was a weapon.

Lance sighed heavily, staring up at the cameras placed in his holding cell. After several minutes he finally spoke, "You were right you know. To put me in here. I'm not...you can't trust me. Not anymore."

There was no reply.

The camera lens focused in.

His clasped hands, now paler than they had ever been, unfolded with a steam of ice fading into the atmosphere.

"This...thing that I've become. I have to stop it. I can't live knowing I've hurt people."

"If you had wanted to stop it Lance, I would have stopped short at kidnapping."

Shiro's voice was like a stab to his heart. His eyes closed, a sharp stab straight through the ice.

"That was an accident."

"Slav says differently."

"And you believe him."

"I believe my friend, Lance...I'm just not sure who that is anymore."

Lance's eyes flicked upwards, silver encasing the inner blue. His guilt was shining through. But there was no apology coming. They both knew it.

Shiro's concern and disappointment was coming off of him in waves. He never moved to open the cell door.

"You say that you have no choice in what's happening to you. No choice in who you're becoming or the things you've done. But that's not true. No matter what the druids have done to you they can't make you do anything. Trust me, I would know. Their influence stopped when you left that Galra ship, Lance. You're hurt. You've got these new powers to prove it and you're lashing out at everyone. You decide who you are. And all I've seen today is someone whose made some pretty crappy decisions piled on top of excuses."

The blue paladin stood abruptly, his voice changing into an echo, as if he were two people, _**"You did this to me!"**_

Shiro stared back at him sadly.

He looked at Lance's fury closely, "You did this to yourself, Lance."

 **Forty-Eight Hours Earlier...**

"This is Indian Gulf Niner Niner coming in for transport duty. Coming in, ready for transport."

Pidge's dry voice came over the radio, "Very funny, Lance."

"What can I say? I'm a first rate kind of guy."

Shiro's voice came next, "Alright. Does everybody know the plan?"

Lance replied surely, "Of course! I fire you both into space, you two sneak in and I fire at the ship with my _lasers._ "

" _Lance._ "

"I scan the ship before it goes back online."

"Better," Pidge retorted. Then added, "Lets hope this works."

Lance smiled behind his visor confidently, "No doubt in my mind Pidge. No doubt in my mind."

The radio air was silent after that. Lance concentrated on flying through space, headed straight for Beta Altrez. It had been three weeks since he escaped from the Druids. Three weeks of all sorts of hovering; it was kind of great, especially when it came from Allura. And after three weeks of fighting off nightmares and dying his hair religiously with some sort of weird alien space goo, Lance was back.

Lance was 100% normal.

 _100.1%_

Nothing odd or unusual about him.

Absolutely nothing.

After all, it's perfectly normal for hair to turn white after copious amounts of torture, right? Their great leader was exhibit A.

He shoved the nightmares at the back of his mind like they never existed.

Lance was on top of the world.

He was back, and he was better than ever.

Just a little ice problem.

No biggie.

He thought about telling the others. Honestly it was one of the biggest decisions Lance had ever faced. Next to becoming apart of Team Voltron, of course. Hunk and Pidge were geniuses! They probably would have come up with a billion ways to fix this or Allura and Coran would have found some weird alien method.

But as the days and nights continued, and his problem got steadily worse, it was clear to Lance there were only temporary solutions.

And it wasn't becoming any less of a secret.

He pulled the lever back, "Okay guys, ready to fire!"

"Be careful, you've only got one shot."

"Don't worry Pidge I'm an excellent shot," He said smugly.

"You are?" her voice sounded skeptic.

"Yes! That's my thing!"

 _"Since when?"_

He opened the hatch, "Just get ready!"

As Shiro and Pidge flew out into space with their jet packs, Lance tried to focus in on the mission.

Yet he couldn't help but stop and stare at his wrist, picturing the small but powerful device underneath it.

Pidge had said that this device dampened certain areas of the DNA or something extra nerdy like that. She explained it last week before he discreetly took it out of her lab. No one ever suspected him when it came up missing.

Lance snapped back and continued his work.

She originally made it for Keith after the Blade of Marmora and figuring out he was half purple alien; but whatever crazy ability Haggar put into him, it was progressing fast, and he needed it a little more than Keith. Even if the device was experimental.

Lance felt a twinge of guilt, but quickly brushed it aside.

Pidge spoke, "Beginning phase two of the plan. I'm blocking the sensors. Lance, you've only got four doboshes to scan the base and land your lion before they're back online."

"Copy that," he grinned, pulling the lever, 'Initializing sonic scan now!"

A powerful wave emitted from the Blue Lion.

"Sonic scanning complete. Uploading the data."

Pidge cheered, "Perfect. We're right on top of your entry point."

Lance let his body take over the mission after that, they had been planning it for weeks now. His target was Slav. The plan was to rescue him from the Galra. It was just one more step in defending the universe from Zarkon. One more step in winning this war. Because that's what happened when you were seventeen years old a million light years from home. You killed people for the sake of a giant robot. You were tortured to win the freedom of a thousand others. Lance felt his skin crawl over the radio silence but knew this was a stealth mission. He hid when Galran fleet passed by and with his breath held carefully he readied his weapon if need be. His fear caused his vision to darken has the air around him grew frostier.

Lance blinked his changing eyes away hastily as his heart screamed, _'No no no,_ _**quiznack!**_ _'_

The scream was silent yet one soldier paused, his gaze piercing the shadows that hid the blue paladin.

Seconds passed as the air just grew colder, and Lance took careful aim with his weapon. This was war after all. The Cuban boy would have to do whatever the mission called for.

The solider continued on and Lance made a sigh of relief. Now he had to find Slav before Shiro. As he searched the hallway, he studied the bracelet, erm, metal band on his wrist. Because the object protecting him and his friends was not at all jewelry. Maybe on Keith, but not Voltron's sharp shooter. Despite any humor Lance found in all of this, that didn't stop his limbs from shaking. This... _thing_ that was happening to him. It was because of the Druids. Whatever tech Pidge had "genius-ally" created: was failing. It would soon stop suppressing his powers altogether. Despite his efforts to be normal, to continue living, Lance couldn't help but feel all of this was temporary. His place on the team. His days under the sun as a dashing brunette...as something _human_. Because whatever this was...these... _abilities_...it didn't feel like a good thing. His first instincts were to hide it. Now Lance just felt his decision was pushing him further and further away from the team. He had already stolen from Pidge, if they found out his secret would be over. They would want to fix him, Lance wouldn't be just "Lance" anymore. He wouldn't be the fun, cool looking guy, the comic relief, or even the Seventh Wheel. Lance would be the wheel on fire. Or in this very special case, _ice_.

He was fine.

He was...normal.

 _And Lance would do whatever it took to stay that way_.


	3. Lions, Tigers and Turkies-Oh My!

Slav was 98. 7% certain he was going to die; he was certain of that in multiple realities. Even as a prisoner of the Galra, he had a better chance of keeping his limbs attached to his body. As his vision was often captured by stars and galaxies, the blur of calculations, and alternate storylines meddled together. Slav would see Voltron, its paladins, and its enemies. They were a chaotic rag tag assemble but they were a vital piece in freeing countless worlds from enslavement. There was an element of fear in this tale that was particularly snagging the corner of Slav's mind. It was an element he could not place at this time. Something about the talkative blue one gave a tell tale sign that this wasn't the canon reality. What that sign was, he wasn't certain of. Slav's eyes narrowed. He was sitting in an Altean ship witnessing another one of the paladin squabbles. Yes...the signs were there, It just had to come to him...at any second. The small green one was yelling. Something was missing. Slav were fairly certain it involved a missing dobok. The others were upset that the blue one took this dobok. The erratic emotional outbursts of this species put a pressing migraine in the center of Slav's forebrain.  
"Do you know what this is, Lance?"  
"I didn't mean to take it Pidge, I didn't even think it was important," the blue one was growing more erratic.  
 _"That's bullshit!_ " The green one eyes flashed. Slav's eye twitched. He was internally grateful when the black paladin interrupted, "Hey!" However, the red angry one spoke first, "What I don't understand is how you managed to take it without knowing you were taking it, only Pidge has the access to that kind of tech."  
The green one continued yelling, "Exactly! I made it for Kieth, it could have killed you Lance. This is not a toy, or cool new gadget or weapon you can play with!"  
As the blue one's face began to turn red, Slav's brain began to run a series of calculations. His gaze fixed on the white highlights peeking through this particular paladin's brown blob.  
"I'm sorry, Okay? _My epic bad._ "  
His fingers reached for something around his wrist. Slav was getting warmer. The paladin muttered something under his breath, _"It's not like it works anyway,_ " he tossed the silver object onto the floor, storming off through the Castle doors. Slav had it! He knew why he was suspicious, it was all coming together. The white roots were very telling: this was the reality where Lance was mutant turkey. As he puffed up with pride solving the mystery, the black paladin was shouting, "Lance? Lance!"  
The big yellow one and the princess turned grey and faded awkwardly in the background; the lesser Altean with the mustache sighed wistfully, "Ahh, this takes me back to a time in my youth when my hormones were firing away in its-" The two pulled him back into their awkward grey background and seemed to vanish completely. Slav tuned out, daydreaming about doboks. Shiro sighed, "I don't know what's going on with him."  
Pidge growled, stalking away with her fists clenched at her side, " _Join the club._ "  
"Pidge-" before he could finish the tech expert had already disappeared through the bay doors. There was a long pause of silence as the only two seemingly left in the room were Shiro and Keith. The eighteen year old had his arms crossing his chest, "...It's not adding up for you either?" Shiro's eyes softened, concern tinting the edges, "He just needs some time."  
Keith exploded, "How much time? It's been weeks Shiro! He's not getting any better!" "Sometimes weeks isn't enough Keith. It's not enough for Lance, give him some time and he'll come back to us." "We're at war, there is no time," Keith angrily snatched up his jacket and started to leave. He paused for a time slice, whispering, "I'm worried about him."

The doors closed, leaving Voltron's leader alone, _"So am I._ "  
Slav finally blinked out of his daze and spoke, "Oh! Sorry, did you want to be alone?"

It wasn't until Vargas later that the Castle was quiet and the lights on it were all dimmed, an act meant to cater to the paladins circadian rhythm. Slav merely laid awake in his quarters and stared at the ceiling, never blinking. As multiple realities danced across his vision, Slav began to count them. He was at 3, 487 when there was a noise outside his bedroom. The former captive's hearts began to race as several scenarios began to form in this head at an even faster pace. A series of movements passed with absolute silence. After chalking it up to being one of the many strange sounds made by the ship at night, Slav finally closed his eyes and relaxed into his pillow.

His eyes snapped open. A chill abruptly ran down his spine as he slowly turned his gaze to his door once more. This time a pair if startling silver eyes pierced the cloak of darkness. As Slav's hearts flat lined he knew with absolute certainty that there was a 100% he was going to die. He had really been hoping that this was the turkey universe.


	4. Monsters Under Your Bed Inside Your Head

The pair stared at each other as the tension in the room built, the air thick enough that it could rip the veil of darkness into shreds. Small pockets of lights in the ship's corners cast eerie shadows over Lance, his eyes deadlocked in a predatory gaze. Slav's eyes however, widened like saucers; his fear so potent that it broke into the atmosphere, mixing in with cool whispers of ice that crept along the floor boards. Neither of them spoke for a few nerve-wracking ticks, resulting in a significant startle in the alien upon hearing the paladin's voice, _" I can't feel her anymore_ , " a manic tenor graced his next exhale, _"I...I tried_. I tried so hard and no matter what I did, or what I said...it's like she wasn't there anymore. Normally, it's like she's always there and this time... _this time she wasn't._ "

Slav stared at Lance, his blank face the epitome of dumb-founded confusion.

The boy's silver eyes searched around for nothing, whatever he was looking for was inside his head. Suddenly, the glowing iris's fixed instantly onto him, " _I...I…_ " his words were not as sharp as his gaze and his breath trembled., "I need you to fix me," a fist at his side clenched repeatedly, " _Please_."

Slav's fear ever so slightened, his demeanor taking on something akin to pity. He found it wise to not respond to the reeling human in front of him. As a result, Lance took a step forwards out of the shadows, the light unmasking himself in the process.

All three of Slav's stomachs dropped.

The blue paladin's appearance had taken a drastic turn in a mere number of hours. The pools of silver were at the center of deep bruises and blood shot eyes, the mania and desperation in them shining brighter than ever. His hair was facing many directions, as if something had clawed and yanked the strands into a messy mixture of white and brown. The conservative highlights had been replaced by an icy explosion of white that had aggressively taken over half of Lance's head.

Slav flinched as the air took a slightly frostier turn as Lance's fear soon began to take control of him, "Slav, _please,_ before it's too late . "

Slav was forced to voice his concerns over the other paladin's involvement which in turn, caused Lance to flinch, sending his mind and body spinning, " _No no no no_. They- _they can't_...they can't know _just_ -" his eyes closed briefly, returning them to their ocean colored blue, " _Just fix me_. You can fix me, if anyone in this **_mother_ _quiznaking_** universe can fix me _**it's you!**_ "

The scream echoed in the small quarters, the two beings going toe to toe now. Tears were brimming at dark rimmed eyes, his teeth bared in anguish.

Each tick lasted a lifetime between them and Slav stared at him in sadness.

"...I can't," he answered.

 _"..."_

The air in his chambers suddenly became very, _very_ cold.

Lance stilled, the anguish on his face dissipating as his eyes hardened into a frosty white.

Slav yelped as ice bloomed around his feet and grew into large spiral patterns on the walls and ceiling. The urge to run made the alien realize he had been backed into a corner, his rising panic holding a scream captive in his own throat.

Lance's voice echoed, as if there were two of him speaking, _"What if you had a little convincing?_ " He raised his hand, an icy fog pooling around his fingers.

The alien suddenly found himself rambling, his anxiety spitting out meaningless facts and calculations. This seemed to irritate the boy as his eyebrows quirked. When Slav's mad ramble fell to the druid witch his back was slammed into the wall so fast black spots graced his vision.

He choked, hungry for air as the hand pinning him began to deprive his lungs. The ice around his throat turned colder as Lance's grip tightened, _"Tell me...the cure."_

Slav screamed as it began to burn into his skin.

"I can't! There is no cure!"

His gaze never wavered, _"I don't believe you."_

Slav's legs scrambled for leverage against the wall, its icy layer digging into his spine, "It's true! I've checked every possible reality! There aren't any where you find-" he choked, "- a cure ."

The suspicion in Lance's glowing eyes held for a few seconds and then faded as confusion took its place. His hand slipped from the alien's throat and he took a quick step back.

He frowned as Slav lay on the ground coughing, " _What? I don't,_ " the blue in his eyes returned for only a brief second, "I don't understand. No...no, that can't -" the teenager's head spun, his breath hitched as it crystallized before him, " _You're wrong_. There has to be a-a cure for th-this. There is one _I know it!_ "

Slav struggled to breath, his eyes shooting for the door, "Blue Pala-"

"You calculated wrong. There's-"

For all of Slav's cowardice, there was no fear in the known universe to make him lie to this boy. They made eye contact, "There is no cure in any reality."

"..."

 _ **"I'm sorry."**_

Lance just stared at a point well past Slav's head, his eyes wide.

 _' "I miss rain and splashing in puddles." '_

Tears began to slip down his cheeks, raw terror shining through the trembles.

 _' "I know we're supposed to be brave paladins and defenders of the universe, but honestly? I just want to go home." '_

He wasn't going home was he?

Lance's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, his realization tearing him apart until there was nothing left but pain and self-loathing, " S-s-o...I-I-I'm _st-stuck like th-this?_ A-a as s-some kind of _**monster?**_

His fractured gaze searched the floor boards for answers only to fixate onto the alien before him.

Slav answered, "There are realities where you learn to become a paladin with this ability...as well as realities where you slaughter entire armies but...that's completely and 100% irrelevant," he tried to back track as he realized his mistake but it was too late.

Lance gnashed his teeth and asked viciously, " _Is there even a ' 00000000000000000000 .whatever **quiznacking** percent' chance that someone can help me?"_

Slav hesitated in that very moment and Lance latched onto it, _" **TELL ME!"**_

His roar quaked inside the four walls.

Slav's eyes closed, the silence deafening.

"There is one."

Before Lance can speak, Slav added, "-but I must warn you that it has a 99999999456799933% chance of it ending badly for everyone, possibly even a few fiery deaths."

Lance reached out in the void for Blue once more, only to feel any icy wall between them. He felt the coldness of space and the vast, dark, empty hole in the universe. _He was alone._ The boy would never could get used to that. He was always used to being around so many people and it was growing more likely by the minute that he would never see them again. Lance struggled to think straight, the only thing left was a blur of pain as his his world grew colder.

 _"I'll do whatever I have to do."_

* * *

The entire ship was immediately woken by the Castle alarms. The paladins responded quickly as they were pulled from their sleep, breaking personal records. As they all collected in the main control room they all wore masks of sleep addled confusion and alarm, expecting some kind of intruder. Shiro walked into the room quickly, "What happened?"

Pidge was already on top of security feeds, disabling the alarms she answered, "The bay doors have opened!"

The team watched the security footage of Lance leaving in a pod, his appearance drastically changed.

Keith felt his own pulse quicken and Shiro stared at the feed, breathing one word, " _Lance."_


	5. Doubt

**Colder**

 **Summary:** Lance struggles to find an accurate description of himself and his place on the team. After five months captured by the Galra, he suffers some serious side affects.

* * *

 **Chapter Five: Doubt**

Lance is faced with a series of choices.

* * *

Lance was no stranger to fear.

Fear was merely a reality when you were billions of light years away from home, caught in some kind of intergalactic war with nothing but five robotic lions and his own pseudo-confidence to show for it. Fear was a luxury the paladin couldn't afford, not when there was so much at stake. Functioning at maximum capacity was scarcely enough to keep up with Keith and Shiro-now those guys?

 _They weren't afraid of anything._

Lance's head was spinning as buried memories began to surface-he couldn't keep it under control. Lingering doubt lashed out at the corners of his mind and sunk into his skin, which felt clammy and hot. Doubt bared its nasty fangs as Fear sat with a triumphant look in the corner.

 _'"I remember you, you're a cargo pilot."'_

" _ **Shutup-shutup-shutup,**_ " bare hands ripped brown and white strands to their limit, the pain went unnoticed as Lance's teeth gnashed in anguish.

 _Cargo Pilot._

That witch knew what she was doing when she chose him: he was the weakest link after all.

 _The Seventh Wheel_.

Wide eyes snapped back to his present reality, the reality he had no control over.

 _The weak link._

Lance would have stopped everything, he would have never done this, if he had control. Yet the boy had all the control in this situation.

 _'"Maybe I don't have a thing."'_

He began to pace in the small confounds of the cold, dim alien warehouse. Lance landed on this planet a couple of vargas ago with only one thought and one goal: he had to find the person Slav told him about, even if it meant breaking into this guys home and forcing him to come here. His pacing continued. Experiencing his own fear was different than experiencing someone else's. Lance heard Slav's screams and he saw the look of terror in this man's eyes upon his arrival. There was not enough guilt in the universe to stop Lance from finding a way back to Earth... _back to his family._ Allura had been attempting to make friendly negotiations with this planet for several movements and they were one of the few planets that had managed to advance technologically as a society under Zarkon's rule, and (according to Allura) their success in science field would be an essential ally in their fight against the Galra. Lance wasn't exactly the best negotiator but he was pretty certain that kidnapping one of their top leading science people was a big no-no.

Allura would have to deal because this guy was his last chance. He was Lance's only chance. The paladin was nowhere near half as smart as Pidge or Hunk but he knew that if this progressed any further Voltron might lose Lance forever.

Fear reared its ugly head once more as it made his vision darken at the edges. His breaths were shallow and erratic as his pacing quickened. He was running out of time. He needed the cure now. The scientist appeared to be working, if not pain-mistakenly slow with his back turned to the paladin. The man was stealing the occasional glances over his shoulder at Lance, his hands pausing as if to consider something. Lance had stalled enough in his lifetime to know that's exactly what this guy was doing. Any slower and he might have to re-incentivize him. The last thing the boy needed was for somebody to wake up and realize that one of their most important citizens had gone missing. Lance halted in his tracks. He frowned for a brief moment of clarity and mumbled, "What am I doing?"

The break of silence in the chilled atmosphere gave the man enough courage to speak, "They'll find me you know. They won't let you get away with this."

Lance's glowing eyes stared at the man dangerously, _"If you want to keep those fingers, Doc, I would keep working._ "

The damage had already been done, however, the scientist continued, "If you think for a second that this doesn't end our alliance with Voltron-"

" _What part of 'I'll freeze you to death' don't you understand?"_

His hostage definitely raised his chin, "Anyone can see that you have never taken a life outside of battle, paladin, the fear is in your eyes."

Lance had his back to him now, " _I don't fear anything anymore._ "

Wrong.

It was suffocating him and it wasn't a wonder that this guy could sense it. The Cuban boy was struggling to get a hold of himself. Glowing eyes closed momentarily and his captive stole the opportunity. Webbed alien fingers typed manically on his computer while tripping some kind of alert system. Lance's hand shot out and grabbed the other man's arm, whose scream echoed in the empty warehouse as ice deeply embedded itself into his skin.

The ice destroyed the computer he was working on as his skin blackened before his eyes and Lance's voice changed, " ** _What did I tell you?"_**

There was no chance to respond as ice in the atmosphere began to crystallize in his lungs, there was telling if the boy before him knew it was happening. The man began to gape like a fish out of water as the doors to the warehouse opened. Lance took several steps backwards as he was surrounded by soldiers. He heard the barrels pull back consecutively.

"Hands on your head!"

"Don't move!"

"We have a man down- _man down!_ "

The blue paladin cooperated by lifting his hands into the air.

"Quiznack-he's a just kid!"

His glowing eyes searched the armed officers with suspicion. Those same eyes fell to the man dying on the floor only a few feet away.

"Don't you even breath pal," one of the officers had a gloved finger poised on the trigger.

Lance shifted his weight around as they began closing in. A few more seconds and it would be too late. Ice collected in his palms and fingers, " _Well, they don't call me the dumb one for nothing_ ," he thought. In less than a time slice he began lowering his hands as a foreign bullet tore from its chamber. The growing wall of ice surrounded him as his eyes closed.

Lance waited.

He waited a few more ticks before daring to crack an eye open. He was met by a blurry head and a bright green shield. Lance's heart stopped. A roar was heard from a mile in every direction.

 _Green?_

"Pidge?"

"I've got Lance!"

"Freeze!"

"Don't move!"

"What the-"

Flashes of red, yellow, and black dropped in the warehouse despite the alien force's commands. These colors dropped in to form a protective circle around Lance with every shield and scrap of metal raised and ready to fight.

Lance began to grow very uncomfortable as his friends not only stood inches away but refused to glance in his general direction. Doubt grinned a nasty smile at him from the corner it sat in.

Shiro addressed the officers, " _Stop!_ We are the paladins of Voltron, we are not here to hurt you."

"What do you call kidnapping and attempted murder bub? We are way past negotiation so back the quiznack up."

Shiro clenched his jaw, throwing a single word back over his shoulder, " _Lance_ ," his steely gaze softened temporarily, "What are you doing?"

The blue in Lance's eyes returned as he felt guilt prick through the ice. "I…"

"We don't have to resolve this through violence. Is there any other way?" Surprise blossomed in the blue paladin as these words came from Keith. Keith hadn't looked at him either. Anxiety peppered him relentlessly as the others simply tried to diffuse the situation.

What appeared to be the chief officer snipped, "If you give your guy over, no harm will come to you."

"What about our guy?" Keith prompted.

Shiro eyed Keith, then the aliens.

Lance struggled to blink away the fog that was beginning to settle in. The tension in the air was so thick one could cut it with a piece of string.

"He made his choice."

His heart dropped roughly into his stomach as ice began collecting around him.

" _Lance?"_

He couldn't breathe.

The lights flickering caused his thoughts to skip with it.

" _L-L-La-an-c-c-ce?"_

Ice fell out as a restricted exhale and his hands began shaking. He rapidly scanned the soldiers around him as external noise fell under water. Panic gripped him as they moved closer; his hands rose with a cloud of ice crystallizing in the air.

"Lance no!"

The ice barely left his hands before shots were exchanged.

* * *

 **Author Note: Thank you so much for reading guys, to be honest I didn't know if I should take this chapter I bit further or end it here, so if you guys have a opinion on that please let me know. I know I am still learning as a writer so if you have any suggestions, any at all, I am willing to here it. I am not very good at updating but this story seems to keep going lol. I am thinking of ways I can go back and fix previous chapters, so again, if you have any outside perspectives, please let me know. Thanks!**


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